Girls With New Boobs and Tattoos

butYesterday I went to my gym, put on my sports bra, black shorts and  semi tight purple tee-shirt.

A wonderful friend of mine…who is in her mid-twenties said something like”God your boobs are huge today.”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I thought about  putting on a black tee shirt.”

“No way, your boobs are awesome. ”

I don’t think I’ve ever complimented my best friend, Amelia’s, boobs. I’ve told her she has great skin or her hair looked nice but I’ve never said, Hey Amelia, you got a ‘rockin’ rack!”

Then I started thinking about boobs, breasts, ta-tas, hooligans we all call them something different because almost every body seems to like boobs. All shapes and sizes.

A year ago a friend who is a really pretty 25 year old was telling me about her boob job. She’d saved up for over a year to buy the boobs of her dreams. I complimented her thrifty-ness, perseverance  and dedication. Then she jumped up and said “You want to see them? There’s almost no scar!” And she started pulling up her shirt.

The women I know, who are forty and older don’t do that…and maybe we should.

The strange thing is women under 3o treat and think about boobs and their bodies differently. Their breasts are kind of like their favorite pair of running shoes, or hair . They want to make sure they look awesome, so they push them up and out all the time. And they will show you just about anything at anytime.

A couple of months ago I was talking to a 22 year old friend , IN HER OFFICE. She’s a beautiful tiny girl.  We started talking about tattoos and Heather suddenly said, “Oh, I just got a new one last week, you want to see?”

“Sure,” I said innocently.

Heather jumped up, came around  the desk,  pulled down her  dress pants and poked her tiny little butt right at me. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

She was wearing a lacy purple thong. A lovely ship with a big sail was blowing across her right cheek.

I wasn’t offended just a little shocked and I  realized, once again, girls in their twenties are different. They think about bodies differently.

Boobs, boob jobs and tattoos are something to be proud of, so they talk about them and show off body parts with a friendly ease I envy.

Today girls say, “Look how great my boobs are!”

Thirty years ago we used to think stuff like that, that but we generally didn’t say it…out loud….to clients and business partners who are total grown-ups.

Girls and women have changed…but thankfully, I don’t think boys have. Guys still want and think and do the same stuff they used to.  They just want to eat, play their guitars really loud and look at boobs.

 

 

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Bigger Boobs and The Apoclypse of Gaining 9 Pounds

a scaleI  peed, dropped my towel and stepped on the scale, knowing bad things were going to jump up and slap me in the face. For three months I’ve been eating my way across America and I’ve had very little time to work out.  Clothes have gotten tighter and tighter….even my underwear.

I took a deep breath, things were worse than I’d expected. 9 pounds, 9 freaking pounds.  Holy cow, that’s 9 one pound bags of sugar.That’s what our annoying little dog weighs.  Nine pounds, that’s the size of a two month old baby…a fat two month old baby.

It was Monday, I’d get the problem taken care of, get my eating under control.  Then I pulled out a loose of “flowy”  tank top and a skirt with an enormous amount of elastic.

I found a piece of white paper and wrote 15 ______14_____13_____12_____11_____10_____. you get the idea.  Every time I lose a pound I’ll mark it off. I hung the paper on the wall, in the bathroom, over the scale. I’ll go to the gym today and get to a Taekwondo class tonight.  The weight will come off, but it’ll take a couple of months.

I decided I’d adopt my daughter, Lexie’s, health program.  When she wants to get in shape she can eat anything she wants as long as it doesn’t come from the freezer or cabinet.  That basically leaves her meat, fruit and veggies. It worked beautiful.

The truth is ten or fifteen years ago nine pounds would have sent me into  hysterical starvation mode. I’m bothered now but my world isn’t on fire. Nine pounds isn’t the apocalypse.  At my age men don’t really care  much about five or ten pounds.  If they think a woman is attractive or hot it’s because she’s smart, confident and fun that’s what makes middle age sexy.  Nine pounds when you’re sixteen or twenty one can be big trouble for two reason. Lots of young men are still pretty shallow at that age so a cheerleader body is important. And girls generally don’t have the confidence not to care. They think it’s a big deal and that makes it a big deal.

Grown men are generally smarter than that and less judgmental.

When I told my husband I’d gained nine pounds he was watching NCIS.  I told him my big plan about working out and eating healthy foods but he wasn’t really listening. Then he surprised me, during a commercial he looked over and said, “Hey, does that mean your boobs are bigger?”

 

 

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Sports Bras and Boob History 101

me in my new sports bra...not really. she's clip artToday I bought a super cute new sports bra. It has polka dots…what’s not to love about that? And I was once again reminded to thank Lisa Lindahl, the woman who invented sports bras. She’s my hero.

So here’s a little boob history for you. In 1977 a woman named Lisa Lindahl, with help from costume designer Polly Smith created the sports bra.  Lindahl wanted to take up jogging but the bouncing boob situation drove her crazy.

Her husband jokingly put two jock straps on and pranced around the house… and guess what…the sports bra was born. Thank you Liza Lindahl. The original name was “jockbra”, then “jogbra”.

If you don’t have big boobs or the desire to do anything physical the invention of the sports bra won’t mean much to you. But if you are a woman who ever hoped to do anything other than knit and watch tv the invention of the sports bra is as important as microwaves and dental floss.

Life before the sports bra was miserable. I remember playing tennis when I was 12 or 13, before the invention of the sports bra. My coach started calling me “Boom Boom” so I quite the team. There simply wasn’t a place  for women in the sporting world if they wore anything larger than a B cup. I was also on the swim team but suddenly, in my 7th grade summer, I wasn’t very stream-lined any more. It was depressing and embarrassing because I was tiny girl with enormous breasts.

But now, because of Lisa and the sports bra, we can all embrace our inner jock. We can run, kick, and hurdle our way into shape without the fear of the dreaded boob bounce.

While shopping for my sports bra today I was so pleased. I tried on an expensive and complicated bra and a simpler fourteen dollar bra. Then I did jumping jack in the changing room of JC Penny. Guess what? The cute cheap one did a better job.

It’s crazy to think our country had been around 201 years before the sports bra was invented. The jock strap was invented in 1874 to save  bicycle jockeys riding on the cobblestone streets of  Boston. But I’m pretty sure codpieces were the first jock straps.

So, today, we should all toast this remarkable woman, Liza Lindahl, l but make sure it’s with a well supported cup.

 

This is a partial reprint from March of 2011, by request.

 

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Boobs, Tattoos and Twenty-something Girls

buttYesterday I went to my gym, put on my sports bra, black shorts and  semi tight purple tee-shirt.

A wonderful friend of mine…who is in her mid-twenties said something like”God your boobs are huge today.”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I thought about  putting on a black tee shirt..”

“No way, your boobs are awesome. .”

Boobs, breasts, ta-tas, hooligans we all call them something different because almost every body seems to like boobs. All shapes and sizes.

The strange thing is women under 35 treat boobs and their bodies differently.  They will show you just about anything at anytime.

A couple of months ago I was talking to a 22 year old friend who is also my client, IN HER OFFICE. She’s a beautiful tiny girl.  We started talking about tattoos and Heather suddenly said, “Oh, I just got a new one last week, you want to see?”

“Sure,” I said innocently.

Heather jumped up, came around  the desk, and pulled down her  dress pants and poked her tiny little butt right at me. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

She was wearing a lacy purple thong. A lovely sailing ship with a big sail was blowing across her right cheek.

I wasn’t offended just a little shocked and I  realize, once again, girls in their twenties are different. They think about bodies differently.

Boobs, boob jobs and tattoos are something to be proud of, to they talk about them and show off body parts with friendly ease.

Today girls say, “Look how great my boobs are!”

Thirty years ago we used to think stuff like that, that but we generally didn’t say it…out loud….to clients and business partners who are total grown-ups.

Girls and women have changed…but thankfully, I don’t think boys have. Guys still want and think and do the same stuff they used to.  They just want to eat, play their guitars really loud and look at boobs.

 

 

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Giant Shiny Bras at Walmart…more signs of obiesity in America

to be clear, this girl is not fat but the bra is pretty

   I’m going to lay it right out here, breasts in America are getting bigger. And I feel fairly certain it’s because we are all getting fatter. Breasts are made of fat, so when a woman gains ten pounds her boobs get bigger. Any woman will validate this fact.

But here’s more evidence of swelling boobage. I went shopping a couple of days ago and found myself surround by rows and rows of giant bras. I’m talking about massive bras with cups bigger than my son’s head.

I have pretty big boobs and have worn a 36 or 38 D for most of my life. When I was a teenager they were considered gigantic, freakish, worthy of lengthy conversatons. Today that’s not the case, because so many women have boobs much much bigger and they lt them hang out there…all the time. Twenty years ago finding a bra that size was really hard and they were all ugly granny bras. As a teenager I was sure all the bigger bras had been designed by structural engineers and Baptist ministers. They might as well have been cut from burlap. And the strap across the back was at least three inches, there’s no way that looked sexy.It was terrible.

Additionally, (as though buying a really hideous looking big bra when you are 15 isn’t bad enough), most stores in the 70′s 80′s put the big bras on the lowest rack. So we had to search for our big ugly bras on our knees. Its no wonder I never wanted to go shopping.

Now, stores are filled with hundreds of glorious looking giant bras, shiny and sparkly and hot looking, even if you have boobies the size of basket balls. And lots of bras big enough to hold three puppies are even kept at eye level because big boobs are the norm.

What does all this mean? Well, I’m really worried about the obesity rate in America , but I know there are a lot of “breast Men” in the world who love the new big ta-ta norm. So, at least for those guys the future is looking magnificent.

****If you want to read more about men and their evolutionary feelings about breasts this is a pretty interesting site.http://www.breastoptions.com/bigbreasts.html

#This is a re-written reprint because I went shopping again today and the bras were bigger and even prettier. Lucky me :-)

 

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BOOBS!!!

Very few body parts have as many nicknames as breasts, so hey must be important. We call our hands…hands, our shin is just a shin. But breasts are boobs, ta-tas, boobies, hooligans, the girls, the list goes on and on. Jugs and Hooters, wait, we love boobs so much we have restraunts dedicated to them.  No other body part can make that claim.
Yesterday I heard a program about breasts on NPR (figures, right?) and I learned some fascinating stuff.

Breast size in America has increased considerably in the past ten-twenty years. Double D used to be the largest size, now it’s something like Triple K. Still breast augmentation is the number one plastic surgery performed.  300,000 women get boob jobs every year!  But fake breasts only have a shelf  life of ten years!  I thought they lasted forever. But after ten years your supposed to have them checked out and maybe redone.

Little girls in America are getting breasts at a much younger age. 30 percent start showing up when they are just nine years old. There are several possible reasons for this early delivery. Lots of little girls are heavier now and if you are overweight you develop at a younger age. Chemicals, not just in our food, but in almost everything we touch may be to blame.  There is a chemical in most plastics that acts like a fake hormone.  It’s in our computer mouse, water bottles, car interiors. It’s pretty hard to avoid. And finally, girls who don’t live with two blood parents tend to develop earlier. I think that reason is really fascinating.

Breasts are considered organs and after the skin, they are most likely to get cancer.  It’s all that fat, just hanging around and absorbing toxins.

No pair of breasts are exactly the same size and generally the left is bigger than the right, but nobody knows why.

And finally,In Hong Kong, you can get a degree in Bra Studies from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University where they teach you how to design and build a bra.

In our house “nipple” is one of the funniest words you can say.  If you say “nipple, nipple, nipple” half my family rolls around giggling.  My husband wanted to name the cat “Nipple” but was voted down.

I think it’s great that so many men are dedicated to breasts. We have something they don’t and they love us for it. But guys, you still need to work on looking women in the eye instead of staring at cleavage when we are trying to tell you something really important. Thanks.

Comment or email me at hampoland@gmail.com!

 

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Boob History 101

braToday I bought a super cute new sports bra. It has polka dots…what’s not to love about that? And I was once again reminded to thank Lisa Lindahl, the woman who invented sports bras. She’s my hero.

So here’s a little boob history for you. In 1977 a woman named Lisa Lindahl, with help from costume designer Polly Smith created the sports bra.  Lindahl wanted to take up jogging but the bouncing boob situation drove her crazy.

Her husband jokingly put two jock straps on and pranced around the house… and guess what…the sports bra was born. Thank you Liza Lindahl. The original name was “jockbra”, then “jogbra”.

If you don’t have big boobs or the desire to do anything physical the invention of the sports bra won’t mean much to you. But if you are a woman who ever hoped to do anything other than knit and watch tv the invention of the sports bra is as important as microwaves and dental floss.

Life before the sports bra was miserable. I remember playing tennis when I was 12 or 13, before the invention of the sports bra. My coach started calling me “Boom Boom” so I quite the team. There simply wasn’t a place  for women in the sporting world if they wore anything larger than a B cup. I was also on the swim team but suddenly, in my 7th grade summer, I wasn’t very stream-lined any more. It was depressing and embarrassing because I was tiny girl with enormous breasts.

But now, because of Lisa and the sports bra, we can all embrace our inner jock. We can run, kick, and hurdle our way into shape without the fear of the dreaded boob bounce.

While shopping for my sports bra today I was so pleased. I tried on an expensive and complicated bra and a simpler fourteen dollar bra. Then I did jumping jack in the changing room of JC Penny. Guess what? The cute cheap one did a better job.

It’s crazy to think our country had been around 201 years before the sports bra was invented. The jock strap was invented in 1874 to save  bicycle jockeys riding on the cobblestone streets of  Boston. But I’m pretty sure codpieces were the first jock straps.

So, today, we should all toast this remarkable woman, Liza Lindahl, l but make sure it’s with a well supported cup.

 

This is a partial reprint from March of 2011, by request.

 

2 Comments

Tags: , , , ,

Giant Shiny Bras At Walmart…Another Sign of Obesity

I’m going to lay it right out here, breasts in America are getting bigger. And I feel fairly certain it’s because we are all getting fatter.  Breasts are made of fat, so when a woman gains ten pounds her boobs get bigger.  Any woman will validate this fact.

But here’s more evidence of swelling boobage. I went shopping a couple of days ago and found myself surround by rows and rows of giant bras. I’m talking about massive bras with cups bigger than my son’s head.

I have pretty big boobs and have worn a 36 or 38 D for most of my life.  When I was a teenager they were considered gigantic, freakish, worthy of lengthy conversatons. Today that’s not the case, because so many women have boobs much much bigger and they lt them hang out there…all the time. Twenty years ago finding a bra that size was really hard and they were all ugly granny bras.  As a teenager I was sure all the bigger  bras had been designed by structural engineers and Baptist ministers. They might as well have been cut from burlap.  And the strap across the back was at least three inches, there’s no way that looked sexy.It was terrible.

Additionally, (as though buying a really hideous looking big bra when you are 15 isn’t bad enough),  most stores in the 70′s 80′s put the big bras on the lowest rack. So we had to search for our big ugly bras on our knees. Its no wonder I never wanted to go shopping.

Now, stores are filled with hundreds of glorious looking giant bras, shiny and sparkly and hot looking, even if you have boobies the size of basket balls.  And lots of bras big enough to hold three puppies are even kept at eye level because big boobs are the norm.

What does all this mean? Well, I’m really worried about the obesity rate in America , but I know there are a lot of “breast Men” in the world who love the new big ta-ta norm. So, at least for those guys the future is looking magnificent.

****If you want to read more about men and their evolutionary feelings about breasts this is a pretty interesting site.http://www.breastoptions.com/bigbreasts.html

#This is a re-written reprint because I went shopping again today and the bras were bigger and even prettier. Lucky me :-)

 

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